Subtle jealousy

Last night I was talking with a friend about the current dynamics between my boys.  I was trying to articulate what can be so frustrating about their relationship and I think we figured part of it out.

See, my boys are almost exactly 2 years apart.  Though we completely expected instant jealousy from Benjamin when Jonah was born, it never happened.  He didn't resent Jonah sleeping in his old crib, he never whined when I had to feed Jonah and couldn't read to him at that moment.  He didn't "relapse" back to pacifiers, bottles, etc.  He's independent enough that he took this change with ease.  We were so grateful.

Flash forward to the past month. 

This is what I hear.  All.  Day.  Long.

"Oh no.  Jonah's awake.  Quick Mom, move the toys on the couch so Jonah can't get them."

"Nooooooooo!  Jonah, that's NOT YOURS."

"Ben, why don't you go play cars with Jonah"  He responds with "No.  I don't want to." followed by him running the opposite direction

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMPH!!!!"  This is what Jonah says when Benjamin constantly knocks him over........on accident, of course.  Then I hear Ben saying, "I didn't meeeaaaan tooooo"  Yeah right, buddy.  Yeah right.

Over the past couple months Benjamin has all of a sudden seemed to have a super short fuse with Jonah.  He gets upset when we praise Jonah or clap for Jonah when he learns something knew.  He doesn't have any interest in helping him learn to walk.  He kind of just seems bugged whenever Jonah invades his bubble.

I think we're finally seeing a bit of jealousy's ugly head rear itself.  It's not being seen in huge ways like throw himself on the floor screaming fits, or in him gouging out Jonah's eyes.  But it's like its finally clicked in his mind that Jonah is here to stay.  That Jonah takes some attention away from him and isn't just the blob in the exersaucer anymore.  Subtle jealousy.  If there is such a thing.

We talk all day long about being loving and kind.  About being a good big brother and patiently trying to redirect Jonah when he's trying to mess up his puzzle/game/etc.  We try to emphasize how much Jesus wants him to show love to his brother, to protect him, never hurt him.  That his brother is a friend and blessing.

I don't want to be too harsh on Benjamin just because he's the oldest.  Though I do want him to share and be kind, I have to remember he did also just turn 3.  That he's still figuring out how to interact with everyone, let alone his brother.  I guess it's just frustrating trying to encourage a loving brother relationship and feeling like it sometimes falls on deaf ears.

I know, as is always the case in parenting, that this is another stage we're in.  That, if consistently and gently encouraged, they will be best friends and love each other like crazy.  They will play together, protect one another.  Yes, I know the fighting is here to stay (I am one of five siblings you know) but I pray that the unprompted hugs will far outweigh the impatient shoves.  Advice and prayers welcome!

*  I had to post these pictures of my boys and their beloved milk in the morning.  I really should consider buying a cow.  We go through so.much.milk.  What's the going rate for a cow in Oregon??  :-)