Jonah is 3 1/2 months and we are still exclusively breastfeeding and it's going great. But, I'm going to be honest and say that the phrase "exclusively breastfeeding" still brings out mixed feelings in me.
You see, with my oldest, Benjamin, I wasn't able to breastfeed past about 2 1/2 months. And I was pumping, supplementing, etc with every feeding. It was ridiculously draining, and time consuming, and with all of that effort I was only giving him the tiniest bit of breastmilk in every bottle. Despite, a huge effort on my part, I just wasn't producing and we never were able to establish it together.
But, when I stopped breastfeeding him, I cried. I cried and cried and cried because I felt like I had failed. I had absolutely no idea that my baby was not going come out of the womb, know exactly how to nurse, and we would live happily ever after. I'm not sure why I was so naive but I was. And I put so much pressure on myself to succeed and when it wasn't happening I was defeated and was not ready to let the world know I had "failed."
I read so many blogs, heard so many moms talk about how they "exclusively breastfed" and I just felt inadequate. I know there's only a handful of moms who use that phrase in such a way to make moms who can't or don't breastfeed feel terrible, but I fell victim to that trap. I remember feeding my son a bottle in public and just knowing (in my head at least) that everyone was surely staring at me thinking of me as a lesser mom for not breastfeeding.
But, I had so much support from Peter when we decided to make the switch to formula with Benjamin. It was what was best for him, myself and our family. I wasn't producing and the stress was not allowing me to enjoy my child. The nursing/supplementing/pumping cycle was sucking the life out of our relationship. After the switch, the guilt didn't completely go away but I sure did enjoy my ridiculously adorable little boy!
After Jonah was born, he had jaundice like Benjamin did, and because of that they wanted me to supplement with him. I very reluctantly did for a few days but was sooo determined to make breastfeeding work. And Jonah was a different baby than Benjamin. He nursed much better. Benjamin would stay asleep despite having his head under the cold water of a faucet. Even though Jonah was a better eater, there were still nights that I woud just cry in frustration and have to lay Jonah down on the bed so we could both just cry our way through the whole learning process. It was tough, tough, tough. If I wasn't so annoyingly stubborn I probably wouldn't have pushed through.
But through prayer and determination, we have made it through and are still breastfeeding. And a huge difference this time, is that I was actually producing enough milk. I have to take the herb Fenugreek in order to do so but what a difference it makes when you actually make the milk your child needs. So, do I think breastfeeding is a great choice for your child? Absolutely! Do I think using formula is any less of a great choice for your child? Absolutely not! I have been able to experience both and am so grateful I've had different options to ensure my boys are healthy. I think the second time around, I've been able to relax the pressure I felt to do what wouldn't have me be judged by other moms. Now I realize that being a mother is so tough, and breastfeeding is a hard process, and formula feeding is just as tough.
Here are some of the advantages and disadvantages I've experienced so far with both breastfeeding and formula feeding.
Formula feeding pros:
* you know exactly how much your child is eating at each feeding
* you can feed them "on the go" in the car/stroller/etc
* husbands/family members can bond with the baby while giving them a bottle
* it is easier to be apart from your baby for some alone time/date time
* formula is so developed and amazing in how it provides such great nutrition for your child
Formula feeding cons:
* having to remember to bring bottles/formula/water whenever you go somewhere
* lots and lots and lots of bottle cleaning
* you get your mothly cycle back sooner after birth
* the formula isn't "custom made" like breastmilk would be
* the 5am feedings.....it is somehow easier to get up for these when you are breastfeeding simply because you know you don't have a choice. When you think there's a possibility that your husband might get up and feed your child, it is harder to get up. At least that's what I experienced
Breastfeeding pros:
* "custom made" breastmilk
* weight loss is usually quicker after childbirth (unless you go through ice cream like crazy as we do in our house, oops!)
* you don't have to remember bottles/formula/etc
* you get to have the excuse to make the hubby do the dishes after dinner because you have to feed the baby :-)
* it's easier to eat when you're breastfeeding than bottle feeding because you normally have a free hand
Breastfeeding cons:
* no help with the middle of the night feedings
* it's not always a walk in the park learning how to have your baby latch properly
* you don't know exactly how much your baby is eating so the "is my baby gaining enough weight" mind games can be so brutal in those first few weeks
* it can sometimes be a bit painful, especially in the beginning
* you can't feed "on the go" in a stroller/carseat, etc. Some people talk about leaning over their child's car seat.....yeah, not sure that's going to happen. Woudln't that strain your neck something crazy??
* it can be difficult to be away from your child for more than a few hours if they won't take a bottle well
I think what I've learned more than anything is that we all have expectations of what we think motherhood should be or is going to be. And when things don't always align the way we thought it is tough to give up that control. Most Moms just love their children to pieces and will do whatever is best for their child and their family. Our own comfort is usually not part of that equation. So whether I am able to keep breastfeeding or choose/need to use formula, I love my boys more than life itself and will always do whatever I can to take care of them in the best way I know how.
Benjamin around 3 months old
Jonah around 3 months old
No comments:
Post a Comment